Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Featured in Collections

Journals by HallowGazer

Journals. by TheVengefulGeek

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
January 13


22,672 (5 today)
29 (who?)
So... *deep breath* 
I find myself beautiful. I like the way I look... I like the way I look when I first wake up in the morning, I like the way I look when I'm too lazy to shave, I like the way I look when I can't be fucked to put on any make-up (most days.), I like the way I look when I feel like dressing up, I like the way I look when I smile, I like the way I look when I'm sad. 

I don't look conventional. I've received a lot of negativity my entire life for this. That's fine. I'm accustomed to it. 
I don't do any of this, to please any of you. Some of you like it, and that's wonderful, but it's never been, and wont ever be for you. 
Something important to remember, is that you can't please other people in this world, and if you manage to please yourself, you should be happy with that. Because we're our own worst critics, because we know ourselves the best. 
If you're scared to be you, because someone has shamed you, and indicated that who you want to be is unacceptable... Try to take a deep breath and walk away from it. You can't make that person happy, and what's more, you shouldn't be expected to. Someone who talks to you like it's your job to make them happy, is just dealing with their own bullshit personal issues, and projecting those onto you. 

Now, you may say that no matter what, it's obvious I do this for the male gaze, because for some reason it's incomprehensible that a person of my gender could want to look any specific way without really caring what others think.
I was five years old, when I decided I wanted to look like this when I grew up. I wasn't going to school (home schooled.). almost every one of my friends were male (I liked playing in mud and climbing trees. So I just tended to get along with boys better.) and I didn't even have a concept of what male gaze or sexualisation was back then. 
I just liked the look. I saw cartoon characters that I thought looked awesome. I saw them, and I was secretly sad, because I knew that there was no way I could look like that when I got older. I look at myself now, an am elated. Because I've essentially achieved a dream that I considered impossible.
When I was a teenager, I started developing large breasts. It's genetically in my family, I've always had the potential. I remember being a D+ when I was with my first boyfriend at 13, and he mentioned that I had massive breasts, and I told him he was wrong. That my breasts were very small, and it didn't make sense that he thought that. 
This is just me, sharing a bit about myself. It has never been because of what others wanted from me. I've always struggled with that. The only times in my life I've HATED the way I look, were when I tried to please other people...

Most of you know I'm a military spouse, and when I first moved here, I swapped out the tank tops and mini skirts, I started wearing pants, I had black hair (a conventional colour for me.)... I tried, and as reward, I gained a terrible body image and hated myself. People here do react, and they don't like the way I look. I do get negativity. I get catty remarks and I get awkward stares... But it's the price I have to pay to be happy with the way I look. It's what I have to do to be happy with me. 

I recommend that those of you who are negative, take a little time to try and achieve this within your own selves and lives. Maybe you'll come out a more accepting person for it. 

(I will read, but do not intend to reply to any comments left in this journal post. Please do not consider yourself slighted if I don't respond. It seems unlikely that I shall.) 
Add a Comment:
KuroganeRose Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Dont please people, please yourself. I understand now how your mind works, so, if u like how you are, if you really love yourself then you dont have to show it to everyone or change the natural thing of your body. because that means that you are not happy with yourself. Simple. Dont tell us that you are happy when you are not. Look at the girls an guys who are happy with themselves. they dont get make up, or change the color of their hair, surgeries, selfie photos, bla bla bla. But maybe you wont understand, because my english sucks and you believe that you are pretty when someone else say it to you. No by yourself. Because you dont believe your own lie.
underbust Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
So, to love yourself, you have to put zero effort at any time ever into the way you look?
Make up is a no go...
Tattoos to express yourself, no go...
Wearing clothing you think sits well on your body? That's too far too...
How about just choosing colours that you think compliment you? No... That too is a vanity we should all be ashamed of? 

Seriously, think about your own logic before telling someone they are or are not who they know they are.
bashzorahvasqwibqwib Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
Well said, I must say. :nod:
It would be nice if people could just accept that some like stuff that others don't like.
But it's probably coded in human instincts that people think others should be like them and like what they do. After all, it's what kept us alive during the tree climbing, running from predators period. Then again, we are supposedly intelligent beings because we can control our instincts.
Either way, I like the way you look, whether or not you're doing it for the audience. And I like that you're upfront about that.
Keep up the good work!
FetishArtMcFaves Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
It's funny how our immediate assumption is that you look the way you do to please men. 

And even funnier still how people would condemn you if that were the case. It obviously pleases many people to look at you (not gonna assume they're all men!). 

Doesn't everyone want to be looked at? I think it's human nature. I want to be looked at and admired sometimes, so I make an effort to look good, it makes me happier.
a1b2c Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Hun, you'll always be gorgeous!

Doesn't matter if you have a big bust (A lovely big bust, might I add) or not. You have a personality that's both smart, pretty, and damn sexy!
JamesK-SONICFAN Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
xD I never understood the negative feedback you got, I always thought you were just insanely attractive and you pointed out countless times that you enjoy doing this. So fuck em'
Coyotekin Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
As long as you are happy with being yourself than that is all that matters. And yes, I can understand the BS you might go through whetherliving on base or with dealing with other military spouses. (Ex-military myself)
cherokeenation Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
This is one of the reasons I find you such an engaging person. Not only are you unconventionally beautiful, but you have an unconventional attitude about it. To be quite honest, I kind of admire you as a person. I'm sure you have your problems, I'm not putting you on a pedestal here, I just wish I were as comfortable in my own skin as you are now.
designPEN15 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Bernard Baruch
martonrobert Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You most definitely have an unconventional look! But that's the beauty of you! If everybody would look and think and act the same we would be in a sci-fi movie :P Keep doing what you're doing! As I always say: whatever makes you happy! Much respect and appreciation!
Add a Comment: