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So... *deep breath* 
I find myself beautiful. I like the way I look... I like the way I look when I first wake up in the morning, I like the way I look when I'm too lazy to shave, I like the way I look when I can't be fucked to put on any make-up (most days.), I like the way I look when I feel like dressing up, I like the way I look when I smile, I like the way I look when I'm sad. 

I don't look conventional. I've received a lot of negativity my entire life for this. That's fine. I'm accustomed to it. 
I don't do any of this, to please any of you. Some of you like it, and that's wonderful, but it's never been, and wont ever be for you. 
Something important to remember, is that you can't please other people in this world, and if you manage to please yourself, you should be happy with that. Because we're our own worst critics, because we know ourselves the best. 
If you're scared to be you, because someone has shamed you, and indicated that who you want to be is unacceptable... Try to take a deep breath and walk away from it. You can't make that person happy, and what's more, you shouldn't be expected to. Someone who talks to you like it's your job to make them happy, is just dealing with their own bullshit personal issues, and projecting those onto you. 

Now, you may say that no matter what, it's obvious I do this for the male gaze, because for some reason it's incomprehensible that a person of my gender could want to look any specific way without really caring what others think.
I was five years old, when I decided I wanted to look like this when I grew up. I wasn't going to school (home schooled.). almost every one of my friends were male (I liked playing in mud and climbing trees. So I just tended to get along with boys better.) and I didn't even have a concept of what male gaze or sexualisation was back then. 
I just liked the look. I saw cartoon characters that I thought looked awesome. I saw them, and I was secretly sad, because I knew that there was no way I could look like that when I got older. I look at myself now, an am elated. Because I've essentially achieved a dream that I considered impossible.
When I was a teenager, I started developing large breasts. It's genetically in my family, I've always had the potential. I remember being a D+ when I was with my first boyfriend at 13, and he mentioned that I had massive breasts, and I told him he was wrong. That my breasts were very small, and it didn't make sense that he thought that. 
This is just me, sharing a bit about myself. It has never been because of what others wanted from me. I've always struggled with that. The only times in my life I've HATED the way I look, were when I tried to please other people...

Most of you know I'm a military spouse, and when I first moved here, I swapped out the tank tops and mini skirts, I started wearing pants, I had black hair (a conventional colour for me.)... I tried, and as reward, I gained a terrible body image and hated myself. People here do react, and they don't like the way I look. I do get negativity. I get catty remarks and I get awkward stares... But it's the price I have to pay to be happy with the way I look. It's what I have to do to be happy with me. 

I recommend that those of you who are negative, take a little time to try and achieve this within your own selves and lives. Maybe you'll come out a more accepting person for it. 

(I will read, but do not intend to reply to any comments left in this journal post. Please do not consider yourself slighted if I don't respond. It seems unlikely that I shall.) 
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KuroganeRose Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Dont please people, please yourself. I understand now how your mind works, so, if u like how you are, if you really love yourself then you dont have to show it to everyone or change the natural thing of your body. because that means that you are not happy with yourself. Simple. Dont tell us that you are happy when you are not. Look at the girls an guys who are happy with themselves. they dont get make up, or change the color of their hair, surgeries, selfie photos, bla bla bla. But maybe you wont understand, because my english sucks and you believe that you are pretty when someone else say it to you. No by yourself. Because you dont believe your own lie.
underbust Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
So, to love yourself, you have to put zero effort at any time ever into the way you look?
Make up is a no go...
Tattoos to express yourself, no go...
Wearing clothing you think sits well on your body? That's too far too...
How about just choosing colours that you think compliment you? No... That too is a vanity we should all be ashamed of? 

Seriously, think about your own logic before telling someone they are or are not who they know they are.
bashzorahvasqwibqwib Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
Well said, I must say. :nod:
It would be nice if people could just accept that some like stuff that others don't like.
But it's probably coded in human instincts that people think others should be like them and like what they do. After all, it's what kept us alive during the tree climbing, running from predators period. Then again, we are supposedly intelligent beings because we can control our instincts.
Either way, I like the way you look, whether or not you're doing it for the audience. And I like that you're upfront about that.
Keep up the good work!
FetishArtMcFaves Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
It's funny how our immediate assumption is that you look the way you do to please men. 

And even funnier still how people would condemn you if that were the case. It obviously pleases many people to look at you (not gonna assume they're all men!). 

Doesn't everyone want to be looked at? I think it's human nature. I want to be looked at and admired sometimes, so I make an effort to look good, it makes me happier.
a1b2c Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Hun, you'll always be gorgeous!

Doesn't matter if you have a big bust (A lovely big bust, might I add) or not. You have a personality that's both smart, pretty, and damn sexy!
JamesK-SONICFAN Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
xD I never understood the negative feedback you got, I always thought you were just insanely attractive and you pointed out countless times that you enjoy doing this. So fuck em'
Coyotekin Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
As long as you are happy with being yourself than that is all that matters. And yes, I can understand the BS you might go through whetherliving on base or with dealing with other military spouses. (Ex-military myself)
cherokeenation Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
This is one of the reasons I find you such an engaging person. Not only are you unconventionally beautiful, but you have an unconventional attitude about it. To be quite honest, I kind of admire you as a person. I'm sure you have your problems, I'm not putting you on a pedestal here, I just wish I were as comfortable in my own skin as you are now.
designPEN15 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Bernard Baruch
martonrobert Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You most definitely have an unconventional look! But that's the beauty of you! If everybody would look and think and act the same we would be in a sci-fi movie :P Keep doing what you're doing! As I always say: whatever makes you happy! Much respect and appreciation!
zeux6 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You ARE a comic book character and I say that with the greatest of all respect. You had this vision when you were five what you wanted to be. Like any great artist, you took your time into your development and created a character that even inspires other artists, like me, to draw. Yes, there will be sexual and negative comments but those are your enemy and it is your duty as the superhero you've become to stay true to yourself and defeat the villainous commenting. Though you are visually what you want to be, the hero I see is the one inside you. Your heart.
Carnivalous Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Student Writer
"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you down. It's the pebble in your shoe"; Muhammad Ali

"If you give in once, you'll give in twice"; Sir Alex Ferguson

"What is to give light must endure burning"; Viktor Frankl

To some you're a painted whore. To me, you're an inspiration. Words hurt. I hope you can keep happy and keep moving forward. And I've read the things you say, and it's sad to know that people do such things to you. No human being deserve to have their feelings hurt, their dreams spat on. Noses upturned by people who would rather not admit what they're actually seeing when they look at you. Someone following their dreams. Someone living it. You're still posting. You haven't given up yet, and that makes me smile. Just a stranger, a fan who's been silent up until now.

Please keep moving forward, and show everyone your beautiful dream.
stargirlstan Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014   General Artist
Thanks for being yourself! Your story is inspiring and I think you're beautiful.
tybsmaller Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
I enjoy Your posting and can relate sweet lady
Narzain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
Very well said, and a sentiment that very much needed to be expressed.  Thank you.
SonicSophie83 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You go girl... I have to say that there are too few people like yourself out there in the world. Too many people go out of their way to look a certain way for someone else, only to have them hating the way they look. I speak from experience as on of those. but have come to realise that its not about how i look to others, but how i see myself that counts. you are wise beyond your years hun. and gorgeous to boot xxxx

Just wanted to say thanks for being you xxxx

Sophie xxx
LightningMan Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist
It is so good to hear from a woman who is truly comfortable with with who she is and how she looks.  Thanks for posting this.
usoda343 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
:iconunderbust: earned the Power of Self-Respect.


Guts +5
Heart +6
Smarts +7
Balls +8
DTHalliday Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
You are beautiful, and it only matters that you think so.  I just happen to agree.
Kitten-Bubblepuff Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Very wise words! I like the fact that you are able to be yourself and accept yourself for who you are. I really wish I could be like that, but I'm really trying to be happier with myself. You seem like a very smart person with a good heart. 
TheRollingWrath888 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist
you're GORGEOUS! i hate that you ever received any negativity.
I'm glad that you like yourself and I'm glad that you can deal with the crap this world throws at you. Keep being awesome :)
Prepare-Your-Bladder Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are very pretty!!
CrazyFanMan Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow well written. It is a great look into what made you think to do what you did, and it is one of the greatest insights into anothers outlook on there existence that I have ever read. Congrats on you being able to be happy with yourself, because happiness depends on yourself and you cannot depend on others for it. Keep doing what you love!
Republic69 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
anytime you need a hug. 
XoPachi Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
I kinda only followed you because I saw you had cool Borderlands stuff. :B

That was the first time finding anything from you. The Maliwan shirt. I just stuck around cuz yer gorgeous. \:3/

(And some of your outfits make good drawing reference for when I need help with a certain article of clothing)
quaddie Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Fuck èm...that is all :)..
primalfuryan Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Professional General Artist
I would have just read & not comment but something in this made me to write and that is more then being a "military spouse" you have "military guts" ,also i agree with your honest views(almost all of them) agree with pleasing (self satisfaction of heart) of oneself & there is a quote about the similar thoughts ,that is:
"When you do good to others,Don't expect anything from them , as when they break your expectation you feel hopelessness its your own created"
Hence you have done the right thing,best of luck for the future!:hug:
Best regards,
DJ Furyan N0x Ali
Psycoshadow Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
First of all I want to say that I think you are fucking beautiful. With red hair you are sexy as hell bad ass firecracker and with black hair you are a sexy as hell bad ass commando. I personally think that you are one of the most physically attractive women I have ever seen without looking at your breasts, and with them I agree that you are a super awesome Jessica Rabbit-esk cartoon character! (I mean that in the best way possible) You are fucking amazingly gorgeous, with what I believe are classically beautiful features and body type that is any hetero man or lesbian woman's wet dream.

Secondly, you are an amazing person for being so self actualized. It takes most people their entire lives to figure out who they are and even when they do it takes them that much longer to come to terms with it. For you to have known who you wanted to be when you were so young and to have actually achieved it is nothing less than astounding! And the fact that you have gotten exactly where you want to be, how you want to be, and damn what other people think is quite honestly astounding. Not because you are a woman or any of that stupid sexist crap, but because you are a person and knowing who you want to be and actually being that person despite what anyone else says is quite honestly the hardest thing a person can do.

Thirdly, I want to apologize for any and all hate you might get on the internet or in real life. You are an amazingly wonderful person, with a wonderful outlook, and you deserve better. I wish you all the happiness in the world both in your career as a model (if I ever need a drop dead sexy model, I'll be giving you a call) and in your life on a whole.

Lastly, I just want to thank you so much for sharing yourself with me and the internet in general. You are an unbridled joy in my life, I absolutely love coming home, dropping on deviant art and seeing two or three pictures of you smiling, being silly, or being draw droppingly stunning (seriously, there are several of your pictures that I have looked at and simply sat stunned for a long time.)

So, to sum up: You are a beautiful and sexy. You are an incredible person for knowing who you want to be and actually being that person despite anyone else. Sorry for any and all hate you get (some people just suck). And thank you so much for being such a bright wonderful amazing woman and bringing me such joy in my life.
simpleswede Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
You go girl :)

And when you say shave, you don't mean your face, right? :lol:
underbust Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Hahaha, no. I mean my legs and or pubic hair. There's a photo of my tummy and there is a tiny bit of foliage poking out of my underwear and everybody freaked out like it's a crime to naturally grow hair as a human being. 
It's funny because 
simpleswede Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
Haha, well I wasn't really thinking about pubic hair until you mentioned it. I just imagined some sort of three days beard on your chin :lol:

And yeah, it really annoys me when people are trying to push their personal flavor on me. It's just a matter of taste really, and people
don't seem able to accept that other people have completely different tastes then themselves. They think they have some kind of moral
high ground because they, for example, get turned off or turned on by fake boobs.
usoda343 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
There are plenty of people out there who do the things you do for others benefit. To fit in. To meet the right people. It's then when I tend to criticize them doing things like having implants or other stuff like spray tan or tattoos. When you think about it, it's actually very selfish.

But you're different. You did what you did for only one person. 


And that's the only person who you should feel you have to change for.
Dungeon-Diver Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Well said! Good on you for being who you are, and who you want to be! :)
Phantom-Spectre Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. we, your fans, love you to death! heck id give you a hug right now if i could!

Keep that chin up and be proud of yourself for the accomplishments you have done in life. you are a wonderful person and i hope you continue to be positive and have that shining glow! Yui Hirasawa (Castanets Dance) [V1] 
xZeroMan Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014   General Artist
It's refreshing to hear someone say both that they like the way they look when not dressed up AND do pretty themselves up for others and feel good doing it!  
carletto47 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for sharing this and telling me a little bit of the reasons why.
I enjoyed reading .
PuffyCatgirl Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I just think that's so fuckin rad.

But I wouldn't dismiss weating pants so quickly ^^ You could totally rock some skinny jeans with your legs. Show off your booty. Use what your momma gave ya and all that jazz.
underbust Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Nothing fits me. I have zero arse and massive thighs, so pants bag at the back and are too tight on my legs for me to move. So they are both ugly and uncomfortable. =p
PuffyCatgirl Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I would suggest maybe butt implants, but I don't know if you're into the ultra hourglass shape.

Plus I can't imagine those would be comfortable to sit on.
underbust Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
I've considered it. But I don't know. Like, with my breasts I didn't feel like I was fixing a problem. More like I was having fun. My butt, I'd worry that I was just using surgery as an escape from my flaws... I know not everybody is going to understand that logic, but they don't have to, they aren't me. =p
Gardevoir-trainer Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
I think I speak for most, if not all, of your watchers when I say that you are beautiful. Whoever says otherwise is trying to sell something.
LillyJadeKatrin Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Wow!  Huge respect for you, not many people can say they've achieved a dream, congratulations :)
watcherwatched Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Bustgoddess Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
As a Girl with Problems like that i can just say:"Audite! Audite!
Hamiltoons Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Professional Artist
So I assume from these pictures that you live in Japan?  To hell with other people's opinions :)
jcastick Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Professional General Artist
That was wonderfully put. It's something a lot of young woman should read.
nedanecin Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Self image is a strange thing. I've struggled with the same things and got implants for similar reasons (I just wanted them!).
For me it wasn't because I hated the way I looked without them, but rather that I like myself more with them.

At the end of the day, I do what makes me happy, makes me comfortable and try to take the feelings of my boyfriend into account. Him and me are the only ones that I allow to influence my happiness, anyone else can go fuck themselves! :P

At first it's denial: Before I got too big, I used (try) and cover them up with sweaters and hoodies and just make myself appear fat instead of outrageous.
Then I dealt with anger: Got angry at anyone who gawked or made a comment.
Now it's just contentedness ; fuck the haters. :P

Don't let it get to you. Anyone with implants these sizes deals with the exact same things. You either ignore it and let them make idiots out of themselves, or you go absolutely bonkers.
paws4thot Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Thanks for writing something so inspirational; that is all.
battousai58 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
The military community as a whole has issues. You take a bunch of rogue elements from society and try to cram them all into this 50's cookie cut of how we ought to be and we explode. We rebel anyway we can, through tattoos, clothing, music and religion. Screw what society thinks, the "collective" is not me and Im not the collective. If I were able to run around Okinawa in combat boots my kilt and a mohawk I certainly would. Right now I can do everything but the mohawk. You are an awesome woman with a beautiful soul and when I get home next month I will rock the kilt boots and mohawk in your honor while I have a tall mead. You are amazing!!
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